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If you have separated from your partner the relationship with your children continues, although it takes a new form.
In making new arrangements after separation or divorce, children's needs and their best interests are the most important consideration.
Children's best interests
Thirty years of research in the area of divorce and separation suggests that:
- Separation is traumatic for children in the short term but this doesn't mean that there will be a negative impact over the long term, children can be supported to cope with their emotions and adjust to the separation
- Conflict between parents before, during and after separation is harmful to children - it can impact on short term and long term emotional development
- If parents communicate in a co-operative manner children adjust much better to the separation
- The interests of children are generally best met when they maintain frequent contact with both of their parents, and experience their parents cooperating and communicating constructively
Adapted from material developed by the Children and Families in Transition Project and other sources.
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The Family Law Act now requires parents in dispute over parenting arrangements to reach agreement through an approved mediation or dispute resolution process before seeking a hearing in one of the Family Courts. Exceptions apply in a range circumstances including family violence, abuse or neglect.
Family courts are also encouraged to make orders that support shared parenting and meaningful relationships between children and both parents, unless it is unsafe to do so. For more information on family law click here.
Shared responsibility
Shared parenting is about sharing responsibility for children - parents collaborate to do what is in the best interests of the children. Often, when parents are collaborating and sharing responsibility, children will spend substantial time with both parents but shared parenting is not measured by the amount of time children spend with each parent.
Some parents are separated by distance or live in circumstance where it is difficult to share overnight care - they can still share responsibility and collaborate to make decisions in the best interests of the children.
Shared parenting can be hard but many parents make it work. It seems more likely to work if both parents:
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Accept the family has changed — so have all aspects of family life
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Understand children need both parents
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Put children’s welfare before their own anger, emotion or comfort
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Make two homes and ensure children spend substantial time in each home
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Ask for help, keep talking to each other or talk to a counsellor or mediator
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Develop a parenting plan
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Have good will and stay committed to making it work
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What is shared parenting?
 Children ‘belong’ with each
parent and spend significant
time in each home.
Children have fun time and
ordinary time with each parent.
Children are part of two
extended families –
grandparents, uncles and
aunts, cousins, friends etc.
Each parent nurtures, listens
and talks with the children.
Parents share big decisions
that affect children.
Each parent is involved in the
child's activities such as school,
sport and social life.
Each parent is aware and cares
about the child's physical,
emotional and intellectual
wellbeing.
Adapted from 'Starting Out' in the Family Law Webguide developed by the Shared Parenting Council
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The amount of time that children spend with each parent is often a significant consideration in the development of post separation parenting arrangements. The pattern of contact, in terms of both frequency and the length of time the children spend with either parent, should be appropriate to their age, developmental stage and individual needs.
For information on options and things to consider when developing shared parenting agreements such as parenting plans, the following resources might be useful:
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