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Shared Parenting: putting children first

If you have separated from your partner the relationship with your children continues, although it takes a new form. 

In making new arrangements after separation or divorce, children's needs and their best interests are the most important consideration.  

Children's best interests

Thirty years of research in the area of divorce and separation suggests that:

      • Separation is traumatic for children in the short term but this doesn't mean that there will be a negative impact over the long term, children can be supported to cope with their emotions and adjust to the separation  
      • Conflict between parents before, during and after separation is harmful to children - it can impact on short term and long term emotional development
      • If parents communicate in a co-operative manner children adjust much better to the separation
      • The interests of children are generally best met when they maintain frequent contact with both of their parents, and experience their parents cooperating and communicating constructively

Adapted from material developed by the Children and Families in Transition Project and other sources.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family law

Recent changes to Australian family law emphasise that children need both parents in their lives. The concept of shared parenting has replaced the idea of ‘custody’ or ownership of children.  Principles include:

      • All children have a right to know both parents and to grow up with the love and support of both parents
      • All children have a right to be protected from harm
      • Parenting is a responsibility to be equally shared, provided this does not put children at risk 
      • Parents should be able to work out together what is best for their children

The Family Law Act now requires parents in dispute over parenting arrangements to reach agreement through an approved mediation or dispute resolution process before seeking a hearing in one of the Family Courts. Exceptions apply in a range circumstances including family violence, abuse or neglect.  

Family courts are also encouraged to make orders that support shared parenting and meaningful relationships between children and both parents, unless it is unsafe to do so.  For more information on family law click here.  

Shared responsibility

Shared parenting is about sharing responsibility for children - parents collaborate to do what is in the best interests of the children.  Often, when parents are collaborating and sharing responsibility, children will spend substantial time with both parents but shared parenting is not measured by the amount of time children spend with each parent. 

Some parents are separated by distance or live in circumstance where it is difficult to share overnight care - they can still share responsibility and collaborate to make decisions in the best interests of the children. 

Shared parenting can be hard but many parents make it work.  It seems more likely to work if both parents:

      • Accept the family has changed — so have all aspects of family life
      • Understand children need both parents 
      • Put children’s welfare before their own anger, emotion or comfort
      • Make two homes and ensure children spend substantial time in each home
      • Ask for help, keep talking to each other or talk to a counsellor or mediator 
      • Develop a parenting plan
      • Have good will and stay committed to making it work 

        Adapted from 'Starting Out' at
        www.familylawwebguide.com.au


What is shared parenting?

 Children ‘belong’ with each 
     parent and spend significant 
     time in each home.

 Children have fun time and 
     ordinary time with each parent.

 Children are part of two 
     extended families – 
     grandparents, uncles and 
     aunts, cousins, friends etc.  

 Each parent nurtures, listens 
     and talks with the children. 

 Parents share big decisions 
     that affect children. 

 Each parent is involved in the 
     child's activities such as school, 
     sport and social life.

 Each parent is aware and cares 
     about the child's physical, 
     emotional and intellectual 
     wellbeing.

Adapted from 'Starting Out' in the Family Law Webguide developed by the Shared Parenting Council 

 

The amount of time that children spend with each parent is often a significant consideration in the development of post separation parenting arrangements.  The pattern of contact, in terms of both frequency and the length of time the children spend with either parent, should be appropriate to their age, developmental stage and individual needs.   

For information on options and things to consider when developing shared parenting agreements such as parenting plans, the following resources might be useful:

Family relationship services have specialist expertise in helping separated families to negotiate parenting arrangements. These services can help you to think through all of the potential issues and make arrangements with your former partner that have the best chance of success.  Use the FRSA Services Directory to find a service near you or call the Family Relationships Advice Line on 1800 050 321 (8 am to 8 pm).

Useful Links

Parenting Plan - Share the Care - Collaborative Parenting Apart

 

 

 

 

 

 


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