Tips for Long Distance Couples

Couples can put in place a few measures that support their relationships with children and each other. Before problems arise it’s wise to discuss how ‘separate time’ will work. Jennie Hannan suggests some key rules:

• Establish how social invitations will be dealt with when you are separated — for instance can either partner accept dinner invitations?
• Make time for regular catch-up talks during the absence (email or telephone) to avoid ‘saving things’ or letting them build up until the couple are together again.
• Make employment decisions jointly, especially where it puts long distances between family members. A joint decision, where benefits are acknowledged and reaffirmed, helps to juggle the inevitable stresses.
• Acknowledge different needs: The ‘away’ parent needs time to unwind, recover sleep lost through long shifts and get back into the rhythm of family life. The ‘home’ parent has usually put things on hold and needs a break from family responsibilities and a chance for solo and couple time.
• Establish ground rules for reconnecting: about spending time together and how the returning parent spends time with children. Make sure arrangements work for the parent who has been coping during absences.

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